My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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