she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
