I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
