The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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