his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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