So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
