i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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