I didn't shave. On purpose
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
