he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
