I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
