So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
