Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
