I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Pooping to opera.
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