i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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