Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
