Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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