All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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