apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
