Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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