do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
