It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
