My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
