remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
