I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
