my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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