high people should be assigned attendants
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
whose parrot is this?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
