We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
