I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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