I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
