thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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