I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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