i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"