it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating