I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?