Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.