I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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