So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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