I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
