I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
