i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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