There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
