I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
