I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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