"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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