I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
