You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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