So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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