does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
