first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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