I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
