tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
