I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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