I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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