Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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