you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
