My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
