i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's always time for handjobs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
