I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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