Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
