You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
