I just saw a hot homeless man
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
