I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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