whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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