Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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