I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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