i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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