he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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