How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
