It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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