Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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