Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
