we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
