My hand turned me down
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
