i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
