He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
