I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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