It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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