i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
