I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
