I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
