you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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