I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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