Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
